My Way of Service

Master and i were discussing his way of Dominating after i had shared one of my favorite videos with him this morning. It stars Steve Holmes, who i simply adore for the way he Dominates the submissives in any of the videos he's in. Part of what draws me to him, however, is that he's quite similar in style to Master.

Well, all that has me thinking about my way of service towards Master. As it stands, i'm still learning, so he doesn't require a ton of things from me (though i would often wish he'd ask me for more, but that's another topic). But whatever he asks of me, i'm more than happy to accomplish and work towards immediately, barring things that we've discussed beforehand.

i would like to think i'm in training to be a good pet for Master. One that he can rely on to take care of everything he requires of me. One that he can trust to carry out his word.

Another Mistress?

Although i'm not polyamorous, i think i would really enjoy having Bianca Beauchamp as a Mistress in addition to Master. This is all theoretical, of course. In reality, it just wouldn't work out.

But really, she's just so gorgeous that i can't take my eyes off of her whenever i see pictures or videos of her. And it doesn't help that Master (who is also quite enamored by her) had a wonderful dream about her today that he shared with me.

It would certainly be interesting, that's for sure.

And This Is Why i Serve Him

Yesterday was not a good day for me. i was emotionally torn down as well and mentally exhausted. But still, Master stood by my side and never gave up on me, despite pretty much giving up on myself. i would never physically harm myself because i am Master's property and i would not harm any of this property, but i certainly wanted something terrible to happen to me.

Yet and still, Master would repeat how much he needed me. i think it finally sunk in sometime as i was finally drifting off to sleep. So when i woke this morning, i realized that i do serve him because he needs me to. While he is an adult and can do things on his own, i know i make his life easier by doing things so he doesn't have to.

Jealousy

i've been feeling increasingly jealous today. Mostly i think it's because, outside of Master, i have no real friends that i physically hang out with. Even online, i'm becoming more and more isolated. i know this is not something Master wants for me, but i just don't know what else to do about it.

Next weekend, Master will be at a party with his friends and i'll be home alone again. i want him to be able to go and have a good time, but sometimes i just wish i could be the one invited to go out and do things, too.

As it is, i seem to have lost another friend today. i don't know why, either. i suppose it's because we haven't spoken in forever. And while that is a failing on my part, it's also a failing on the other party because they have also made no effort to speak to me lately.

i keep thinking that maybe it's because i have found a path for my life that truly fits me and makes me happy. That's the only explanation i can find that would help me understand why i'm losing friends at such an alarming rate. Why can't people just accept others for what they are and what they desire to be?

Nostalgia

Master and i went through a bit of nostalgia today. Apparently, he's known of me much longer than i knew him, though we didn't discover that until today. It's interesting to think about how all this would have played out had we actually spoken almost 10 years ago.

At that time, i wasn't awakened to my more kinkier sides. i had gone through a breakup with my first boyfriend and was thinking i'd never meet anyone who could love me for me. Of course, if Master had only spoken to me then, maybe i wouldn't have married my first husband. It's a strange thought.

But really, the way that things have turned out, i wouldn't change it at all. i'm so happy and proud being Master's pet as it is.

Submitting to Master

i have to admit that, at least in my mind, my submission to Master started as a joke. He asked if i would be his pet and do what he asked. i agreed, though it was before i really knew what it would all entail. Like i said, i thought it was kind of a joke between two friends who were enamored with each other. i was in a relationship at the time (which ended before Master and i got serious) and was unsatisfied with the way the person i was with treated me, so i thought that at least, even in jest, someone would treat me the way i always desired to be treated.

But while it started out as a joke, i came to realize that Master was someone that i could truly submit to. He cares for my well-being while at the same time gives me the discipline and structure that i need to function. He has more than earned my respect as well as my submission to him.

Natural Submissive

After thinking on this some time, i believe i'm a natural submissive. My personality type, according to the Briggs-Myers typology, is INFJ. i'm naturally concerned about the feelings of others and i'm dedicated to the relationships that i end up in.

In addition to that, i never had to be taught how to enjoy serving others over my personal desires. No matter what it is, i would much rather drop what i'm doing to serve Master in any capacity than to put it off until i'm finished with what i'm doing.

i'm not saying that it makes me better than anyone. i would never make that claim. i'm just saying that i feel as if i were always drawn to being a submissive person.