i think i finally figured out what's been going on with me lately. It was this time many years ago that my aunt kicked me out of her house, effectively making me homeless for a few weeks before i could fly out to my mom's new house. It's that point in my life that i really made a downward spiral for myself. And i've never fully forgiven her for it. i mean, i had to drop out of school only weeks after the semester started, but just long enough that i couldn't even get a partial refund on my tuition.

i want to be able to move past all this. To forgive her and let it move on, so i can move on with my life. But it's difficult. i still see her and, to this day, she hasn't apologized for what she did, even though i know she feels guilty over it. In a lot of ways, it's like my dad: he knows deep down he did bad shit to me by beating the crap out of me for nearly 20 years and stealing my money, but he won't ever apologize.

i'll find a way to forgive. i just hope it's before i spin further out of control.