Friday, September 11, 2009


i need structure in my life. This isn't anything new i haven't known about myself. Without it, i wander around aimlessly, never really getting anything done. This, apparently, is all due to having PTSD, or so i'm being taught in my groups. i think it's a bit rubbish. i think i just need structure because of who i am as a person, not what disorders i have. i am not, after all, my disorders.

That being said, i really hope Master and i can truly come up with some great ways for me to serve him as well as a list of rules that i need to abide by. i think that's truly missing from our dynamic, and it bugs me quite a bit. i wish that it didn't. i feel as if, maybe, i'm pushing my ideals about this upon him. Of course, we've talked about this quite a bit, and he feels i'm not pushing, but he wants to make sure i take it slowly, so i don't get too overwhelmed, which it's very easy for me to do. But i really think i'm ready this time.

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