Monday, October 26, 2009

Meditation Monday

i'm trying something slightly different today. My brain wasn't thinking well at first, so i'm had Master help me answer the first few questions. He provided the main answer, while i worked at expanding on them.

Today, i have served Master by
willingly submitting to Master in my times of weakness and trusting in his ability to help me. Right now, i'm in the middle of being overwhelmed by PMDD, often blowing things out of proportion. i don't often admit when i need help, even to Master, but tonight i did. To Master, this shows a commitment to my goal of complete submission and to him as my Master.

Tomorrow, i can further serve Master by expressing myself more openly and discussing my goals and desires in my submission to Master so we can reach the potential i have and the desires i thirst for. This is going to be a bit difficult for me, because i'm not used to opening up, but if it will help me serve Master, i certainly will do my best.

One thing that can help with my servitude is trusting in my abilities, instincts, desires and my True Self, as well as revealing my True Self to Master. i often have a bad habit of hiding away, even from myself, so i would be able to serve Master better if i stopped hiding and just trusted my True Self.

my goal in serving Master is to continue to fully trust myself. By Master placing trust in me, it shows me that i am worthy of that trust and i will eventually learn to trust myself. This is probably the hardest lesson of all i've had to learn, not just in my submission to Master, but in my life in general.

Through my service, i hope to learn how to appreciate things better. Tonight, i did something that i was proud of, but there was a part of me that wouldn't allow myself to appreciate that, so the moment felt spoiled and i no longer wished to even acknowledge what i had done. This is self destructive and unhealthy and i wish to change it because, not only will it help me, it will help Master as well.

A moment in my life that lead to my servitude was the first time i had discovered consensual submission/slavery. i don't know why, but i never imagined such a thing was possible, but it truly appealed to me in a way few things ever have. It was like discovering that part of me that had felt empty was now filled with ideas and yearnings that i finally understood.

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