This has become less of a want and more of a need in my life. i need to learn to stand up for myself and not be a doormat. i belong to Master and no one else, but i have such a difficult time saying no to others who want to use me for various purposes. Nothing sexual, of course. That i'm already very good at turning down.
Which is why, i think, i can use that as a starting point for being assertive in other areas of my life. My biggest problem is that when someone asks me for a favor, i always do it, even if i know they'd never give back in return. It feels like i'm just the world's biggest pushover.
For a long time i thought that's what it meant to be submissive. But i know now that it's not. The only person i must submit to is Master, and that's by choice and because i respect him and his methods. But other people that i do things for? i barely can tolerate them, let alone respect them. Most of them are people that have only recently met me, but then ask me for everything under the moon and sun. And i just refuse to do it any longer.
But part of me is scared of being labeled a bitch over it. While i do enjoy being a "badass bitch," being just a normal, garden-variety bitch scares me. This all feels so wrapped up in my self-esteem issues and how i wish others to perceive me that it would be completely unsurprising if it was all related.