Friday, May 8, 2009

The curse of youthful looks

One of the things i dislike the most is how young i look. i'm sure it's refreshing to Master, since i'm actually older than he is, but it's a pain to me. Constantly being carded to see movies or buy video games gets really old after about the tenth or eleventh time. It feels almost insulting, because i'm old enough by nearly a decade to do these things without being carded.

Add to this the fact that i'm hard of hearing, and i become quite a conundrum to people. How can someone who looks so young have such a hard time hearing? Most people don't take into account that deafness and causes of hearing loss can happen regardless of age. But that doesn't stop it from being any less frustrating.

Master, as ever, is understanding when i cannot hear him correctly. He makes sure that when he's speaking to me face-to-face, i can see him so, at the very least, i can read his lips. It's especially helpful because it ensures that i really do hear his words and not just pretending to hear them (which i do at times because i'm ashamed of my hearing loss). And it ensures him that i won't just pretend to not hear an order or command that i really don't feel like following.

i'm especially afraid that, once Master and i are able to move in more social circles of kink, people will be skeptical to aproach me for conversation because of my youthful looks. And really, i want to be a part of all of this because i crave social interactions, even as i'm anxious about them. i just don't know what i'd do if i were shunned because of how young i look. And, strictly speaking, i'm pretty young for being in the scene anyway, but i'm at least of a consenting age.

But really, this is my biggest fear regarding my looks; that i'll be shunned before i'm even given a chance to shine. It's why i think i embrace the internet so much, because then people can't judge me so much on my looks, but rather through my writings and how i portray myself this way.

4 comments:

Mistress L said...

Well you forgot the most important thing....

How old ARE you???

*Psst* I bet I'm younger =) The same things happen to me all the time.

Lilikka said...

i'm only 26, 27 next January.

But it's a frustrating situation, being mistaken for being so much younger :(

Mistress L said...

A-ha! I'm only 25 =) And I get mistaken for 16-18 all the time =(

At least it's an ego boost hehe.

Mystic-Dreamer said...

I can most certainly understand people even think I'm 14 at times and whats worse I don't have a proper government issued identification as I do not drive nor do I travel so all I have is my health card and it's not sufficient. I can completely understand and when I tell people I have a 6 year old they give me an even nastier look and it's like I'm 24 damnit some people I tell ya.. I guess enjoy it for the time being cause one of these days we'll wish to look this young again.