Tuesday, May 5, 2009

i am not perfect

i know, quite the shock eh? i never really thought i was perfect, but i used to strive to be. In some ways, i still do. i'm a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree. So much so that my self esteem suffers if i just can't do things right. And that's something Master has been working with me on fixing.

It's starting small. i mean, it's so goofy to even admit this, but i used to spaz out whenever i would lose at video games. Truly, i was the definition of a poor sport. Now, even if i lose, i can easily shrug it off. i did my best, why worry any more?

But other aspects of my life, i'm still having difficulties thinking this way. Particularly when Master asks something of me. If it's not 100%, just exactly right, i really beat myself up mentally. i try to apply the same logic that i do with video games, but it just doesn't seem to fit right.

But this is still a good step forward. At least i can do this now.


May said...

I think so many girls were raised to be "perfect" that we totally lose sight of how awesome we are with all our flaws. I've been trying to love myself as "the perfect me" instead of just "perfect" - because the perfect me can do what nobody else does: be me! It's helped to squish a lot of the self-hating messages I used to give myself and I'm much happier approaching life from the standpoint of my perfect individuality rather than trying to jump through the hoops of what is "perfect" in our society.

Mistress L said...

When my slave doesn't do something exactly the way I wanted but still tried to the best of his ability, I definitely take that into consideration and I'm sure your Master will too.

Yours is the 4th blog this week where a slave was worried about being just perfect...you slaves must have ESP or something haha.

Lilikka said...

@May: That is a really good idea, being the perfect me. It does give me a lot to think about and rearrange my thinking.

@Mistress L: Yes, Master does take that into consideration, which is why i think i don't come down on myself as badly as i did before i was Master's pet.

And the idea of a slave hive mind amuses me for some reason lol