Saturday, May 30, 2009

Lonely day

Master was out with his mother most of the day, so we didn't spend a lot of time together. i just really missed his presence, even though it was a pretty laid back kind of day. But i've been feeling a bit lonely lately. Like i'm starting to, again, disconnect from people. i don't know if this is a defense mechanism within my brain or if it's just something that happens because i don't know how to be social with people.

Either way, i start feeling strange when i get lonely. i don't like the feeling, even though i'm a greatly introverted person. i was reading in As A Man Thinketh that we, as humans, crave both what we love and what we fear. And, since i have terrible social anxiety, perhaps i also crave the embrace of a social situation as well.

Unfortunately, i'm not even sure how to go about being anything other than a huge spaz when it comes to people. i get extremely shy and i just don't even know how to react, because i'm afraid of looking like a jerk or a fool. But if i don't push past the fear, then i'll never really reach out. i just don't know what it's going to take to give me the push i need.

1 comment:

Mistress L said...

A good friend of mine has social anxiety issues as well. We are polar opposites as I love being surrounded by many people all the time and being alone for me is rare and few and far between.

I would suggest what I told her, start out small. With one person (besides Master), then increase the number by one accordingly.

I know you have a shining personality and anyone you choose to spend time with will be one lucky person (or several once you get going!) ^_^