Friday, May 1, 2009

i spend more time bitching than being happy

But i guess that's because i'm not a naturally happy person. Perhaps someday, but i kind of doubt it. With all that i've been through and all the therapy i've still got to go through and i just... i feel as if i just make things worse for everyone.

Master says i need to trust in my succubus side. And i try. But it seems when i do that, i feel more and more ill physically. i don't understand what's even going on.

i feel as if i need to just... restart myself. It's a strange thought, though.

4 comments:

Mistress L said...

Hmm, interesting but what does "restarting" oneself entail?

Lilikka said...

i suppose i look at it kind of as reformatting a harddrive and just starting ones computer over from new. Once all the old crap is removed, one can then put only the things they want on there and move forward from there.

Mistress L said...

I see. Well that's a very analytical way of putting it. But unfortunately we are not computers. In essence we should try to take the experiences and situations we have been thru and build a stronger foundation of who are upon that.

But to each their own sweetie. I hope you find something that works for you. If want another virtual buddy to chat with I'm always just a mouse click away.

Lilikka said...

Thank you. Things are a bit easier today than before when i wrote the entry and i have a tendency to become a bit emo.