Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sharing with the class

Today, i made a big step forward. i don't know if it's a good or bad thing at this point, but it's a step nonetheless. i shared one of my biggest fears with a group of strangers: the fact that i fear everyone i come in contact with is only looking for ways to stab me in the back. Sure, i've probably shared it with strangers on the internet, even through this blog, a few times. But it's completely different in person. Because they can really see me and they (somewhat) know me.

It really shook me up for most of the day afterwords. i'm really not used to sharing my feelings with people i hardly know. In fact, only Master and my mother know my true feelings most of the time, and even then, i'm pretty candid about what i share. i don't like when people think about me or worry about me.

So now i feel like i've got a whole group of women who are going to worry that i'm this fucking fragile flower that can't be talked to, for fear of me thinking i'm going to be stabbed in the back. Of course, no one might not even see it that way. But that's certainly the scenario that keeps playing in my head, over and over.

Really, i just wish the answers were there, right in front of me. i want to know if it was a good or bad thing that i shared. Because it's not feeling too good right about now.

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