Monday, August 3, 2009


Master and i watched Pitch Black tonight. It's the first time i've seen the film, though i had always wanted to. It was really great and the final twist made me think about sacrifices that people are willing to make for others.

For most of my life, i've been willing to die for those that i love, but that's because death seemed the easier route most of the time. Life was hell for me growing up. Between my mother's stalker and my father's abuse and drug use, i was a real mess. i'm still trying to recover from all of it. But that's why death always seemed easier.

But living, that's the real challenge, the real sacrifice. Am i willing to live for someone's sake, knowing full well how much pain and suffering there is in this world? If i had asked myself that a year ago, i would have said no. But i'm much further along in my recovery at this stage and yes, i am willing to live for someone else's sake. And not just Master's sake, or my daughter's sake, but for the sake of all of those who i've come in contact with, even the people who did wrong to me. i live, because i matter.

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