Monday, April 27, 2009

i feel like a walking cliché

i feel so unlovable. Not unlikeable, as i'm sure there are plenty of people out there who like me. But the people who love me, even as a friend? Really, i feel as if it's just Master. And maybe i should appreciate that, because there are people in this world who don't even feel the same deep love as i have with Master. But the problem is that i have so much love to give and it really feels so unfair that i don't get it in return, even when giving it.

i love my friends, each and every one of them. i would do anything for them, as long as it doesn't go against Master's desires. Even people who i used to be friends with, there's still an amount of affection there. i don't wish them ill, just happiness in the future. But i don't feel the same in return.

i know loving a demon isn't something that's an easy thing. At all. But is it really that difficult? i can completely love and dedicate myself to Master, and he's as much of a demon as i am. We're two sides of the same coin. But maybe that's why i can love him so easily.

i think i'm really just looking for acceptance. i don't feel it from a lot of people, even places where it should come from. Like my mother. She accepts that i am Master's pet, but she doesn't understand it at all. Nor does she understand my desire to model. And i think that's the hardest thing of all to deal with. i'm glad she accepts, but i just want an understanding, even if it's a partial understanding.

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