Saturday, January 3, 2009

Keeping Secrets

i don't like keeping secrets from Master. but because of a position that a "friend" put me in last night, i feel as if i'm forced to. i told him the situation and he said he won't push me to tell him, but i still feel horrible about it.

i guess it would be different if it were one of those "shh, don't tell him what i'm getting him for his birthday" kind of secrets. but that's not what this is. this is one of those "don't tell him what i'm doing because i don't think he'd approve" kind of secrets. and it makes me extremely uneasy to have to keep this from Master.

and on the other hand, this same "friend" has also said that this is a test to see if i'm trustworthy. he says he doesn't completely distrust me, but it still hurts that i must be tested, particularly by someone that's not Master. i owe this person nothing. but really, this is so difficult for me. i'm just glad Master is kind and understanding and isn't pushing it, but this is really driving me crazy.

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