Master encourages me to be independent in many ways. He likes it when i make up my own mind about what to do in my down time. He also encourages my desires and for me to vocalize those desires, even if i feel they might be stupid.
But really. i hate being independent. It goes hand-in-hand with making choices. i have a terrible time doing it and it puts me in such a terrible mental state that i just can't figure anything out. That's why this really seems disjointed right now. i feel as if it's all falling apart.
i know it's not good for me to be so dependent on everyone else, but i don't feel strong enough to stand on my own feet. i'm trying to learn, but it's difficult and just... i don't know.