Sunday, February 22, 2009


When this journey with Master first began, i was so sure it was going to result in a loss of "self." At the very least, i questioned it and wasn't sure if i wanted that or didn't want that. My personal identity had never had too much of an impact on those around me, or no real impact that i could tell, so it wasn't something that i really thought about too much. So, for the most part, it wasn't a truly big loss if i didn't have a sense of self.

But it obviously bothered some part of me, because the idea of losing it scared me. And i was so afraid that by consenting to be Master's pet, i was going to lose that last bit that made up me. i never let it deter me from what i wanted with Master and, really, i'm glad i didn't. Because being Master's pet has actually had a completely opposite effect than i had ever suspected. Instead of losing myself, i find that i'm actually discovering myself.

Being Master's pet is as much a part of me as anything else is, even moreso in the case of things like my anxieties. i don't think i could live a truly happy life without the knowledge that i'm a simple pet. i'm really quite pleased that all this has worked out so different than the way i thought it was going to.


M:e said...

This posting had me smiling in quiet recognition of the feelings within it. When Master and I started out, I too went through the same concerns about whether in surrendering to him, giving myself as deeply as he (we) wanted me to, that I end up somehow losing myself. What you say here is true for me too, the very opposite happened. I discovered parts of me which had always been there but had never been brought to the fore...could never have been without the relationship we have. So, far from losing myself, I actually 'found' myself. Sounds like you have too.

love and hugs xxx

Tiggs said...

You are growing every day, sweet girl! Yes, indeed, you are growing toward your Master, not losing a thing. But rather gaining ever so much more!

Big hugs!

Lilikka said...

It's wonderful that there are others who have discovered the same as i have. Thank you for sharing that, M:e

And thank you for your kind words, Tiggs. i know it often takes me a while to respond, but i appreciate the comments.