Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Him alone

i feel like i'm fading away a bit. i don't know how people do it. Or maybe it's just my perception of people? But how can a sub only take solace with just having their Dom as the only source of friendship?

This isn't anything that's forced upon me by Master. He wants me to be able to have friends, but it just feels like no one wants anything to do with me but him. And it hurts. Even people who i thought loved me as a friend (and maybe more at one time or another) have stopped talking to me completely. i've tried reaching out. Sent an old friend my favorite book for her birthday. But still, no thanks yous, no hellos, no how-are-yous.

So i try to be happy that at least Master will have me, but i'm so lonely. He understands, but i don't. Why isn't he enough by himself?

i suppose this is all brought up because Master will be going away for a weekend next month and it's going to be lonesome for me. i want him to go and have a good time, i just wish i wasn't left out of everything. He'd have me come with him if i could, but i can't because of costs. He's getting to go for free and there's no way i'd be able to get enough money in a month to go as well, let alone find someone to take care of my daughter.

It's just hard knowing that i'm going to be all alone.

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